#but I can't do anything about it. I've tried thinking about selling some of my dolls and it legit makes me panic

[dennitsastar]

I've been contemplating for some time whether I should step into this mess and spend my few remaining resources on this vileness. In the more than two years of my blog's existence, I've tried to keep it somewhat impersonal and stay out of this pathetic fuss, as it has nothing to do with religion, especially since I banned this person the second I saw them reblogging my posts to have nothing to do with them (although the whole time they were still subscribed to me from their personal acc, which I find amusing). I gave myself a few days to let my head cool down so I could approach this with a cold and focused mind, but in the end I decided that religion is impossible without knowledge, and knowledge is impossible without the person who carries it. So it was time for me to become myself in my own place. It's the least I deserve. Besides, Dennitsa himself deserves to have his name not used in such an abominable way.

I would have preferred to do it under the post with the screenshot showing how this all started in the first place, but since it was deleted and they erased many of their comments so they wouldn't get caught, I'll do it in this post. I hope OP doesn't mind.

I'll refer to the person in question in the OP post as “this person/they” because I don't know their name and don't care to know it. But if you know — you know.

This is not their first disgusting opus, but it is the first one that has finally gotten the attention that their words demand. Basically what they carry about Dennitsa (or Lucifer, call him what you will) has never been anything but repulsive, nauseating, slanderous, and absolutely hubristic. From the way they've used his name to romanticize hard drugs (which, I remind you, destroy lives, personalities, families, and futures) to the stuff we've gotten recently. They always use his name to sell their nastiness to the public because they're afraid to do it from their own. I suppose the idea that a spiritual being can't show up in person to kick their ass is unleashing. But unfortunately for them, not all the people around them are a mindless herd and their flock to gobble up all the moral filth and vileness they try to sell and romanticize. It's hard to think of a more disgusting and hubristic act than acting like a “mouthpiece” of spiritual entity to sell and normalize their own perversions.

I have stayed away all this time, as I know this cycle of attention- and worship-hungry narcissists well. They always end up in their own hand-made catastrophe, as they simply cannot keep their rottenness hidden for too long. Actually, this case is just another proof of this cycle. I think it's appropriate to clarify right away that I'm not using the term “narcissism” here as a mental disorder, but rather as a personality type. Although I suppose many people feel that the mental state of this person is completely unstable. However, I'm not trying to play psychiatrist here.

In principle, the content and activities of this person are built on three pillars: narcissism with delusions of self-importance and pseudo-authoritarianism, impenetrable infantilism and ordinary, tasteless populism, which does not require any knowledge, study or effort, but which will go well with the general masses that will not think or ask questions. Anyone with any real sense of spirituality and knowledge will find it either boring or downright disgusting to watch. When it comes to their supposed knowledge on the subject of “Luciferianism” (as much as I despise the term), theology (whether Abrahamic or not) and mythology, the answer is simple. They don't exist. All their “revelations” consist of superficial, often incorrect words they heard somewhere (most likely here on Tumblr), cherrypicking and mixing the unmixable. And on manipulation, of course. When it suits them — Dennitsa is the classic fundamentalistic Christian Devil. However, they twist even this role in Christian theology to fit their rotten narrative, because I can't fathom what the train of thought must be to come to the conclusion that an entity that in Christian (and not only) tradition punishes sin (and punishes it severely, with no possibility of return) has suddenly turned into a patron and lover of sin. It's funny how the supposed “Luciferian” repeats the rhetoric of fundamentalists from a second century or so, with absolutely no idea what they are even saying. Some kind of comprehension of the Muslim view is not in sight all the more, for it is even more difficult, and not only that, more dangerous. For, as we know, Dennitsa never taught to fight for one's position without fear. Right? And when it suits them — Dennitsa is suddenly some sort of Hellenistic Eosphorus/Hesperus blend. Where does this unwarranted syncretism of two mythologies that have no connection to each other at all come from? It's just that Helpol is popular on Tumblr right now, so you have to put that in too, the audience won't build up on its own. Why not Germanic, Egyptian, Zoroastrianism or any other mythology? Well, they're not as popular. “If you try to spread yourself out over a multitude of things — you end up knowing nothing about any of them.” In general, it is easy to conclude from this that they are not interested in the role Dennitsa plays in philosophy, psychology, theology, mythology, culture, and so on. They are not interested in Dennitsa in principle either. The only thing that they are really interested in is pleasing their ego at the expense of his image, which they invented for themselves, romanticized, and which has nothing to do with reality.

If you generalize, their activities have nothing to do with religion, spirituality, faith, pick any appropriate synonym. It is built solely around one's own self and how important and fantastic they supposedly are in the eyes of “Lucifer” and any other possibly existing entity. It's a personal brand under the umbrella of the now popular occult. Since they don't have any really expert or outstanding knowledge of theology and mythology, they use topics that are easy for monkey brains to get caught up in: sex, toothless populism that is nothing and is basically just a set of generic phrases about nothing, and superficial mythology that you don't need to think about, study, or waste your time on.

Their penchant for manipulation and attempts at power-play are clearly visible in their interactions with OP too. A weak attempt to push ageism (“Tumblr kids”) and manipulation of relationship with OP's own religion. Their megalomania can be seen in the fact that for some reason they believe they are the personal handshake of all entities from all existing mythologies, know everything about everyone, have personally sat at the table with them. A kind of desire to be the oracle, prophet, saint, messiah, and authority figure for all. This, of course, has nothing to do with reality.

I believe what this person needs is to deactivate their accounts and go to deep therapy. For their own good. There are so many things wrong and it's showing. If nothing changes, the situation will only worsen and worsen rapidly.

If they happen to see this and want to respond to me, please don't bother. Don't waste your time or mine. Not only are I banned you and I won't see your endeavors, but you basically just disgust and bore me. I value my mental well-being and time more than that.

Religion/faith/spirituality/whatever term you prefer — encourages our hearts to grow, nurtures our love for our humanity, for the people around us, teaches us to learn and love the world, to help those in need, to protect the wronged, and to rise up against lies and injustice. Any religion, there are no exceptions here. If what you are sold under the auspices of “spirituality” pushes you to the social bottom, moral decay, blind cultist faith in only one person and the spread of filth — it is not spirituality. You are lied to, you are manipulated, you are wished evil.

Use your critical thinking, keep your mind sharp, objective reality exists, matter exists. Be a human being and a human being worthy.

Hey. I've stumbled across your account recently and ended up witnessing the whole fiasco with you know who defending pedos.

In short I think this person just has a lot of issues with taking responsibility. From what I picked up from them they kinda always think they're right and never really take criticism seriously, which is ironic for a luciferian. Really sorry you dealt with that.

-sincerely, a luciferian.

Thank you friend, yeah all of their posts are so long that they can nitpick anything that makes them sound good, all while leaving out everything that makes them sound HORRIFIC.

I plan to do a reading with Lucifer tonight because I just want to make sure he and I are all good after I've been talking about him all day, lol. Just feels respectful I guess.

I did truthfully doubt myself because I'm not close enough with him to actually know a lot of their claims, but I'm pretty sure that no entity worth worshipping would ever advocate for the things they were, and Lucifer is most definitely worthy of worship.

On that note, if any luciferians would be down to trade readings, I would LOVE that!! I always try to go to devotees for readings from specific entities, I feel like the closeness can't be replicated, and they'll know what certain things mean better than a non follower

[vitiateoriginator]

I've been going thru a major creative block recently and I'm really depressed over it

[ashwhowrites]

Hello beautiful bby! I hope I can make this make sense. Could I request a bit of miscommunication maybe slight angst Eddie? Basically Reader is shy, has been crushing on him. She makes the mistake of telling her friend about the crush and friend is confused but ready to support. Eddie’s at a party to sell. Reader’s friend is drunk and tells jocks to help her get Eddie into a room. Jocks of course do this in an asshole way. Eddie is shoved into the room where reader is waiting (a bit buzzed for courage) she kisses him the moment he appears and is all “you came, I’m so glad I’ve liked you for so long!” Thinking friend told him she’d be here, she liked him, etc. Eddie of course thinks this is all a prank to get him laughed at and beat up. He’s disgusted with her, pulls her off him and mocks her confession, cusses her out, leaving her confused and in tears. Eddie storms off to his van. Drunk bestie flies out like a vengeful fury and demands to know his damage. Explanations happen. Bestie demands Eddie go find reader because she left and started walking home. Eddie cruises until he finds her, begs forgiveness and is baffled she’d actually like him. They have a heart to heart, he drives her home, and maybe a kiss. Make the angst sting before you kiss my forehead and send me along haha.

I’m sorry if I have way too much info I can never pick what’s needed and if you’d rather have more or less?? You never disappoint. Your angst always hits too. Kisses love and light and anything else I can offer to your return to your throne bby.

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting! I think this is the tiniest amount of angst I've ever done so I hope that's alright.

Thank you for all your sweet words! Kisses love and light sent your way ❤️❤️

Wrong judgment

Y/N had been crushing on Eddie for a while. She kept it to herself for months before she drank a little too much and confessed to her best friend. Her friend, Kathy was a little confused but supportive.

"Wow, the Munson kid? Really?" Kathy asked, turning her head as she looked confused.

Y/N rolled her eyes, "he's sweet and cute!" She defended.

"Go tell him. I'm pretty sure he's here!" Kathy slurred, her eyes lit up as she grew excited.

"Absolutely not!" Y/N gasped, "I could never admit my feelings to him."

"Let's get you a drink for some courage, and I'll get him to a room, and you'll tell him how you feel!" Kathy squealed, Y/N submitted taking another drink as she chugged it.

~

Eddie felt his body being picked up from his spot outside, immediately in defense mode as he tried to squirm.

"OH COME ON!" he screamed, the jocks carrying him off and up the stairs. Eddie felt his face burn in embarrassment at how easily they carried him. And how he was at their mercy.

His feet were planted on the floor, and before he could give the jocks a piece of his mind he was shoved into a room. He reached for the doorknob but he heard something shuffle behind him. He turned around to see a girl standing there. He barely had time to take her in when she pulled him in for a kiss.

He stood stunned as her lips pressed against his, a strong kiss as her hands landed on his hips. She pulled away with a smile, breathless.

"I can't believe you showed up. I've wanted to tell you how I felt for so long," she said, voice like she was in a daydream. "I've had the biggest crush on you but I had no idea if you'd be interested. But here you are!"

Eddie was quick to back up, shaking his head as he reached for the doorknob.

"I don't know what you have planned but I'm not falling for any of it. Fuck you and your stupid confession. I have no idea who you are and I don't want to. Whatever little crush you have isn't gonna happen. Leave me the fuck alone," he spat. He rolled his eyes as she flinched, turning around and storming out.

Y/N gulped as she felt hot tears forming in her eyes. She felt her skin burning in embarrassment as she ran out of the room. She ran past her friend and all the jocks who forced him into the room. She barely knew where she was going but she ran.

Kathy was quick to try to follow her but she took off too fast. But she saw Eddie yanking open his van door. Her worried face turned hard as she ran after him before he could get in the van.

"What the hell did you do?" She questioned, crossing her arms.

"What now!" Eddie groaned. "Kathy? What do you want?"

"I want to know what you said to my best friend to make her run off!" She spat, shoving Eddie against the van.

"Oh, so she's your friend?" Eddie laughed, "I'm not stupid. I'm not falling for the little crush prank. Sorry if her feelings got hurt, but that shit ain't my problem." Eddie explained.

"It's not a prank! She does like you, Eddie," Kathy sighed, "Look, she was truthful about her feelings. And you made her cry so go fix it or I'll have those jocks back on your case with no limits this time."

~

Eddie cursed as he drove down another street without any luck. For once he regretted opening his big mouth. He had to admit that he did feel bad for making the girl cry. He wasn't sure who she was but he happened to impress her enough for her to like him. And he easily ruined his one chance with a girl who actually liked him.

He turned down another street, sitting up as he saw a girl walking down the street. He rolled down his window, yelling out. The girl froze as she turned around, it was her. Eddie threw his van in park as he jumped out.

"Before you walk away, please let me offer you a ride home and explain," Eddie said. He felt guilt eating away at his stomach as she wiped her tears. "I was a total ass and I thought it was a prank. But I ran into Kathy and can I drive you home as a way of saying sorry?"

Y/N looked around, clearly lost. She debated her options of wandering around in the cold or the uncomfortable talk with Eddie.

"Either way I'm not leaving you alone until I know you safely got home."

She sighed and figured the car ride would be better. She didn't say anything as she walked past him and got in the van. Eddie gave himself a pep talk as he turned around and got in the van.

He put it in drive as he tried not to look at her the whole drive. "I'm sorry about how I acted and what I said. It's no excuse but if I had known before what I know now, it would have been a whole different reaction."

Y/N hugged herself as she listened to him. "Yeah well, it's done now."

Eddie signed and parked the car to the side. She went to protest but was stuck in a trance as her eyes caught his.

"Can we start over? I hate that my first interaction with you was like that. I mean, you are insanely gorgeous, and I can't believe a girl so out of my league would like me."

"You really think I'm out of your league?" She asked. She figured he wouldn't be anywhere near interested in her as she wasn't as edgy as him or as alternative. "I kinda figured you were out of my league."

"Not a chance," he laughed, "I know I made an ass out of myself but could I take you out? I promise I'm not an asshole all the time."

"If you have from now until you reach my house to convince me," she smiled. Eddie started driving again, nerves in his stomach as he had to think fast.

"Well, I'm in a band and if I was a selfish asshole, people wouldn't like me enough to be in a band with me!" Eddie declared, "I took some freshmen under my arm and they seem to like me. They became part of the hellfire club. I mean Kathy, your friend, told you to go for it with me right? And your friend wouldn't send you off to ask out an asshole, right?"

"Few good points," Y/N shrugged. She did like him and she couldn't deny how much she smiled just from the small conversation with him. He was actively trying to show he regretted his actions. "If you could redo how you handled our interaction, would you?"

"Absolutely. I'm kicking myself in the ass for not kissing you back," he admitted. She pointed ahead at her house as he slowed down.

Y/N already forgave him by the time she got into the car, but she enjoyed making him work for it.

"Well, thanks for the ride," she said, getting out of his van. He waited to see if she'd say anything but she closed the door.

"Wait!" He called, getting out of the van. He grabbed her arm before she could walk up her driveway. "Did I do it? Did I change your mind?"

She pretended to think, "There's one more thing I need you to do."

Eddie nodded, "yeah, anything."

She leaned in, pressing her lips against his. This time, he kissed her back. His strong arms wrapped around her waist as he pushed her body against his. She tried not to moan as he took control of the kiss.

Her head was in the clouds when his tongue slowly pushed inside of her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she tried to match his strength.

The kiss took their breath away as he pulled away. His eyes were dark and hazy as he looked down at her.

"I'd love to go on a date with you."

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlxt @ineedmentalhelp123 @emxxblog

[fillinforlater]

On her jeans (Part 1 of 3)

Male Reader x Kim Minji

Length: 3128 words

Tags: backstory, sex as payment, degradation, all things blowjob: face fuck, deep throat, gagging, chocking, throat bulging, rough face sex, training, passive hand job, master/daddy kink, desperate_trainee!Minji

TW: Minji is selling herself here kinda (oh no)

Credit: @sooyadelicacies for co-writing this crazy series with me. Mad lad!

-Part 1- -Part 2- -Part 3-

(A/N: Hey you! I know you're reading this. Get ready for your favorite girls to get defiled one-by-one. Goon or go (or something like that, sounded cooler in my head). For everyone else, have fun!)

"Huh? Minji? What are you doing here?" 

Kazuha asks, surprised to see the still-trainee on this floor of the HYBE building, knocking on an unoccupied training room that she has nothing to do with usually.

"I-I came here to ask you about something,” the younger stutters. “I heard you were personally selected for LE SSERAFIM—and that there is some backer for your success. Even th-the group's scandal went away without a hitch. 

“Who is helping you, who is he?"

"What are you talking about?" Kazuha responds, face in scrunches. 

"I know that you know, Unnie," Minji says and catches the door before Kazuha can close it again. "I need answers, please. I-I've seen their plans, this is going to blow up, we'll be a failure, HYBE's loving stock.

"I can't fail this."

Kazuha looks at the determined young girl, her face loosening up a bit, turning from trying to defend her future spot at your side from a new rival to worrying for Minji. She curls her finger and Minji enters the otherwise empty training room.

"You have some dangerous knowledge," the Japanese woman then says. "Asking for this—I think you have no idea what you might get into."

"Doesn’t everyone say this about the industry?" Minji responds with wit and looks at Kazuha's sweaty body in the mirror. "Everyone always shares their doubts, from the moment you start. And now we are here, ready to debut. I know I have talent, but will it be enough?"

"You really want this, Minji?"

"Yes, Unnie, more than anything."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen. Why do you—"

"I'll give you his number." Kazuha sighs deeply, but nonetheless, her words have Minji in a delighted dance. "I'll tell him that you are good, so be good, be honest to him. I'm doing you a favor here."

"Thank you so much, Unnie!"

"But be careful: he is greedy, he wants more than you can imagine, so be ready to give him everything. And also—" 

Kazuha pinches Minji's chin, tilts it towards her piercing eyes and whispers in the most kind yet threatening voice: 

"Never try to get between him and me."

# 

"Oh my—your concept, these plans. They are fucking terrible. It's going to take a lot to salvage this, even you seem to know that, Minji." There is no need for you to hold back. If you think a plan is bad, you better tell someone before they fail. You’ve seen your fair share of bad plans, but not by HYBE and not to this extreme.

"I-I know. I tried to tell them, but the managers just shut me down.” Minji puts her arms back on her thighs. They were just dramatically cast into the air to get her point across, but the young girl saw your unimpressed gaze and quickly got professional again. “They are running us straight into a brick wall."

"I've seen many examples like this. A lot of companies think they can do no wrong, especially when a lot of time has passed since their latest failure." 

You give Minji her tablet back and rest your chin on one hand, the other tapping the giant desk before you. You are deep in thought, at least Minji should believe that. Instead you are looking into her eyes, mariana trenches of passion, hopefulness, determination. Minji has a pretty face, leadership qualities, all the skills of a superstar but most importantly, she has some thick lips that will be perfect for cock sucking. 

Okay, you are getting ahead of yourselves. The other big thing she has is the willingness to trade everything for her dream, for hope, maybe for fame too. She will give her dignity for glory—and you will make her do it right fucking now.

"This is a difficult case," you say slowly, watching her expression shift a bit, not yet gloomy but getting there. "Luckily, I and HYBE still have the time and resources to make your debut a success. People will talk about it for a long time. I can even guarantee you a music show win from the get go."

"Really? Oh my God, thank you so much, sir. You are way too kind." Minji jumps from her seat and takes a deep, formal bow. "I hope I can lay all of this in your hand?"

"You sure can, Minji, but you know this comes with a price, a hefty one at that. This cannot be solved with two phone calls and some convincing. Hell, I barely have any time." You stand up from your chair and look at the young woman, upper body still tilted but her huge eyes fixed on you, now you’re in front of her. You still dwarf her and she only now knows that she is completely outmatched and will pay up.

"I-I will give you everything, as soon as I can," she stutters. "I only need some time and, and—"

"But I need it now, Minji. Right fucking now.

"Get on your knees."

"Sir?" Minji asks, shocked. "On my knees? Do-do you want me to beg?" 

You snort. “I thought you were smarter. What did Zuha tell you exactly?” 

“H-how did you know—?”

“Minji, what you're asking for requires a complete 180. Your entire concept will have to be changed. From what I’ve heard, you need some new songs too. I have someone in mind who can spearhead your group but she's a wildcard, batshit insane really, but the right kind of crazy needed for something like this. But all of this will take a lot of fucking effort, time and money. And I need you to prove your worth, now."

Push down on Minji's shoulders until she winces and sinks to the floor. Black tiles, hard, cold and somewhat reflective. You know that for a moment all of them hesitate when seeing the rough outline of their head mirrored back to them. Are they really going to do it? Is this what they have to sell? Is it worth it? 

Those that stayed are now superstars and because Minji somehow knew about it and had the guts to look for you, there is not a single doubt in you that she will devote herself to you.

"I can make your dreams come true," you proclaim calmly, yet your words put Minji under unbearable pressure. "Fame, money, success are all guaranteed, out of question, beyond that everything is possible. When you just stay there, on your knees and open your pretty mouth—"

A zip and your semi-hard cock is released, to the absolute shock of Minji, whose mental image of her face is replaced by the first phallus she has ever seen before her eyes. 

"—I'll fulfill your desires."

Minji looks up at you and gulps. She thought the auditions and training evaluations were the final tests respectively, but now her entire career comes down to this one huge cock right in front of her. She curses the producers, the managers, those idiots at Ador—their mistakes have to be redeemed by her sucking dick and lowering to the level of a desperate whore.

Minji has no option. Idols are born from hardship and this is just another step, she believes. So her lips part a little, and when she locks eyes with you, they part a lot more. With a satisfied groan, you shove your cock deep into her throat.

"From now on, you'll call me Master. Later will be Daddy, but not until you've proven worthy. Your next few weeks will be rough, new people, new songs, new choreos." The first tears form in Minji's gorgeous eyes as gags bounce through your office. "I don't care how tired or sweaty you are, when I call you, you come to me right after practice, no excuses. You will obey every fucking wish, especially because I have so much work with you."

You drag your balls over her chin, let your cock rest at the top of her mouth and open it wide. Minji is clumsy with her teeth and with the way she tries to dodge your thrust, be it intentionally or out of fear. This is of course vastly inferior compared to a blowjob from all those second and third gen stars you've made big after giving them your big cock.

The only redeeming, already great quality, are her lips. Natural, not a talent or skill. She'd be a lot better just not moving, not thinking, a fleshlight, but how should such a young woman know?

"I assume you're smart enough to understand all this," you tell her expectantly and pull out. Minji leans forward and coughs up her saliva on your floor. You grab her hair and pull it back, get ready to spit at her, but she has wit.

"Ye-yes, Master. Excuse my incompetence, I—you're so big."

"No crying? No regrets? Well, that's more impressive than your blowjob skills. How about you clean up your incompetence?"

You take a step back and pull her face down, down by the hair, onto the tiles where her spurts of saliva lay. Minji hisses out in pain, you know she stares down angrily, shocked at how rude you are to her. She grits her teeth—

"Yes, Master, sorry, Master."

—and begins to lick the floor, slowly and only with the tip of her small tongue.

You are mildly impressed that she adjusted to her situation rather quickly. It is the sign of a prodigy in bloom. 

"I am curious, baby girl. I was informed you didn't really set out to become an idol. So why put yourself through all of this?" You muse and question her. Minji's eyes widened a little, finally shifting from their bristling anger. "Oh, I know everything about you, Kim Minji. It is my job to know and then some. So tell me: what is your ambition? What is your desire?"

"Who doesn't dream of being famous?" Minji says, determination in her eyes which she has pointed at you like sharp, pointy arrows. "I want to be a star, the idol that all my classmates, parents, grown-ups have never seen in me. I want to show them how wrong they were."

"Too bad that even after joining the great and successful HYBE, you are about to be their first blunder," you taunt her and slap her forehead with your cock. "Good thing you're ready to suck cock for some adjustments of their mistakes."

Minji puckers her lips and a bit carelessly gets your cock back onto them, spreading small licks on your cockhead. "This is nothing, I know hardship."

"Oh, 

"You call this nothing?"

You tsk and slap her face with your cock.

"You know hardship? Do tell, Minji..." You grip her head and begin to plunge into her mouth. "Hardship? We haven't even started yet. I'm not even at full size, stupid girl!" 

You see her eyes widening as tears begin to form with your rough treatment. Thinking back to Minji's words, you read her well. People doubted her—you could too. She wasn't so different from the others you've trained. All they needed was education to rely on you, devotion to you and love for you and only you.

"Make sure to keep your fucking teeth off of it," you growl while your fingers search for new ways to pull at her hair, to push her away and then slam her back down on your cock which is finally hardening at the arousal her fearful face brings. The inside of Minji's mouth grows wetter, sloppier, warmer, until suddenly—

The annoyance of her teeth returns and it stings. To start with blowjobs has both been a disaster for your pleasure but intense fuel to introduce Minji to the harsh reality that is you; you and the success that you bring. Everything she has ever wanted, you can bring her, and so she fights trough the tears and accepts that you press her flat on the floor and fuck down into her mouth like it's a pussy.

"Open wide, open wide," you repeatedly command, a hand on Minji's jaw to help her make this command come true. "You useless slut, don't waste your lips on such pathetic blowjobs. Fucking hell, when I'm done with you, you better deepthroat like a mid porn star.

"Fucking waste of my time, you stupid stupid girl. This is the standard HYBE is accepting now? Fuck, maybe we can't even blame the company for your group's future failure—it will all just be on you. If you don't fucking step it up, this is the last time you will ever contact me." 

Gaze still intensely focused on her, you pull out your cell phone and unlock it. You don’t really use it for much, except for phone calls, but this alone makes this device insanely valuable. You however don’t need to make a phone call now. You only need to show Minji one thing: your contact list.

She can see you scrolling past the names of tons of people, all in the industry. Well known producers, managers, executives, staff members, but most importantly, all highlighted by a colorful array of yellow, orange, red and pink: 

The full names of hundreds of female idols. Minji scans through the list, recognizing one Unnie after the other, from nugu second gen groups to absolute super stars.

You pull out of Minji's mouth, give her time to cough up all leftover spit and wipe her tears away. Ultimately, you help her up from the cold hard floor, the only thing still laying on the floor is her pride.

"Do you get it now?" you ask and look at her, eyebrows raised with the highest of expectations.

"Yes, Master."

"Then you know what you have to do."

"De-deepthroat like a p-porn star."

"Can you do that?"

Minji hesitates, something you cannot stand for the love of everything. You grab her hips and throw her on your desk, spin her until her head is hanging off of the table. With no further warning, because she does not deserve those anymore, you press your cock on her lips and fill more than her mouth. Minji's throat starts to visibly bulge from the massive width of your cock. 

Of course she is gagging, kicking her feet but that isn't even a flight response. There is no need for you to pin her down. She wants to stay, wants to become a good slut, a stupid girl that can suck your entire cock. Sadly, her newfound eagerness isn't rewarded with success. She needs training and stretching and so you stretch Minji's throat with lazy thrust and train her nose to accept your balls on them.

"You're so silly, but finally, we have some effort, Minji," you growl and reach into the top of her shirt. "We can work from here."

You fondle her breasts, run your hands down her soft stomach. 

"Good, I can definitely work with this. You remind me of—" 

But you pause, not wanting to divulge any advantages for her to pick up on. She looks like an absolute fuck doll as her head continues hang off the table. Even upside down, it was pretty when stuffed with your cock, your balls now touching her lips with each plunge. 

"Minji, it's not enough to deepthroat like a porn star. You'll learn to deepthroat like one of my perfect sluts, whores. Porn star is a start, but it will soon be an insult to you.”

She had no idea that her consideration as a future perfect whore meant you already took a liking to her. As of now, all she knew—no, all she could think of—was your cock and that she needed to keep her teeth off of it. It needed to fuck her throat if she wanted any chance at a great career. 

And so Minji takes it, acts like a whore who willingly gets gag induced drool over her face, then fat, filled balls on her nose and accepts the greedy hands all over her midriff. Minji always thought that she needs this tight, perfect form for the approvement of the public—now it's you who decides if her body is acceptable and ripe for a fucking. 

Your seal of approval is the frantic way you tear open her shirt, then her bra and start to knead her breasts, while her tongue movements become actually enjoyable. You thrust harder, making Minji's face pale as she struggles to get air. She looks gorgeous like that, so you slap her tummy and before the choking is too hard, you back off and pull your pants up.

"That's it for today," you say as Minji still gasps for air. "From now on, you'll be here everyday after practice."

Short silence, disbelief in her eyes. "H-huh—yes, Master."

"The door will be open. Walk in and lay down on the table, just like this. You will wait until I return or have time for you. It doesn't matter what happens, you will lay there until I am finished with you."

"Yes, Master."

"A lot will change." You rub sweat and spit off her temple with a gentle hand and look at her glassy eyes. "You might not get any sleep at all. Now you will learn true adversity.

"Okay, fuck it. You don't deserve this, but I don't care."

Pull your pants back down and lower your balls onto Minji's mouth. This time, there is no hesitation, and she opens her fuckable lips wide. Her tongue starts to twirl around your sac while you begin to jerk yourself off. When Minji finally starts to suck, you feel a satisfying conclusion to this messy meeting arriving. But—

"Why would I do it myself? Get your hand here!"

You find one of Minji's hands and start to spit on each finger. Like a waterfall, it runs down until you deem it lubricated enough. Then you put them around your manhood and begin to thrust. It's a lot colder than a pussy, but Minji seems to instinctively know how to tighten the gap, the grip, her hand-pussy suddenly becomes worth cumming in.

Take a final breath and climax, each pump sending long streaks of pearly white on Minji's body. You cover her in seed until one long line, from her navel to her throat, forms and you admire how carefully she worships your balls. Wipe your cockhead clean on her hand and make a mental note to have this soft palm be a useful masturbation aid for another time.

"Who would've thought that you're already in love with my balls?" You almost crack a smile through your stone cold facade. "A good sign that you're already a whore."

"M-Master, I..."

"Shut the fuck up.

"Tomorrow, after practice. No underwear, no questions, no one is allowed to know."

[sanguineterrain]

Ahhhh yes I'm so excited that you're writing spencer! Could I request something with a reader who's also considered "weird" by people (aka neurodivergent) and it gets them down but spencer doesn't think they're weird obviously and maybe they bond over that? I hope this makes sense 🩷 love ur fics!!

hope this is okay :) spencer reid x gn!reader. rude cop alert, reader feels down about not picking up on invisible social expectations/cues, Spencer comforts them. ty for requesting!

****

New crime scenes make you lock in and hone your attention. You've always done that. Ever since you started at the BAU, that's meant that you break some invisible rule more often than not.

You approach the cop who called in the case from behind. "When did you find the—

He flinches, dropping his clipboard. Immediately, he rounds on you, annoyance palpable.

"Jesus, knock much?" he asks, brow low with frustration. "Sneaking up on people in this line of work is a bad habit."

"I'm sorry," you say, not quite sure what you're apologizing for. "When did you—"

"And who are you, exactly?" he interrupts, looking you over. "Selling cookies?" He laughs at his joke.

You push through, showing your badge and saying your name. The cop snorts.

"FBI, huh? Wouldn't have guessed. You don't act like it. You know you're supposed to sign in, right?"

"Yes, I know. I've been here for ten minutes," you say. You can't pinpoint exactly what you sense, but you recognize the tone someone gets when they're making fun of you.

"Ten minutes?" The cop looks past you. "I didn't see you."

"I signed in at 8:14."

You've learned that being precise is very important because it makes people more likely to believe you. Sometimes your precision puts people off, but you have to show them that you pay attention, lest they have any doubts.

"Uh-huh. Look, is your supervisor here? Someone in charge? I need to give this report to someone."

"You can give it to me. I was assigned to this case," you say.

He snorts. "Right. First time sniffing around a murder case, rookie?"

You blink, confused. "No. This is my thirty-third case."

He's about to respond when Derek interrupts. He flashes his badge, says his name, and the cop clearly respects him, straightening up.

"What have we got here?" Derek asks, and the cop launches into the explanation you've been wanting since you started the conversation.

You get that prickling sensation on your neck, that feeling of humiliation when you've missed some cue. Your first thought is that maybe the cop doesn't respect younger agents, but it's more than that. It's always more.

It's always something you've done.

You slink away, and Derek doesn't even glance at you, which is fine. He's busy. You won't take it personally.

You drift over to Hotch and Spencer instead. Hotch is talking to a witness who heard the gunshots. Spencer is supplementing his questions with information about how bullets splinter different types of wood. He looks at you as you approach and that instantly makes you feel better. Spencer never ignores you.

"Thank you very much," Hotch finally says, touching the witness on her arm briefly. "We'll call you if we have more questions. Someone will drive you home. If you'll follow me out."

She follows Hotch and then it's you and Spencer.

"What do you think?" you ask.

He shrugs. "Too early to tell. The witness said she heard sounds after the shots that she didn't recognize. What did the officer say?"

You shrug. "I don't know. Derek's taking his statement."

"I thought you were," Spencer says in confusion.

"I tried to, but he wouldn't talk to me. He said I don't act like an FBI agent. Called me a rookie."

It's part of the job, these kinds of interactions. Not every government worker is the nicest.

"I don't understand what's wrong with me," you say before Spencer can say anything. It's too honest for a crime scene. Anyone else would be annoyed by your whining.

Spencer shakes his head. "Nothing's wrong with you."

"I feel like there is," you say quietly.

Spencer's the only one who understands. He's been called every name under the sun. He's so smart, and you're always in awe at how smart he is, but, according to Hotch, some people get intimidated rather than awed and say mean things as a result.

You're not a genius like Spencer, though. You're just an agent. You're fine at your job, but sometimes you don't even get the chance to demonstrate that. You have no idea what makes you fumble simple interactions like taking a statement.

"So he made it seem like you're inexperienced," Spencer says.

You nod. "I don't know why. I went to him, about to ask a question, but I guess I startled him. He snapped at me to not sneak up on people. Then I apologized. People like when you apologize, right?"

Spencer shrugs thoughtfully. "Sometimes. Apparently, it's a very fine line between when you should and when you shouldn't. Did you introduce yourself?"

You frown. "Later, I did."

He hums. "Apparently, people don't respect our authority unless we're flashing it obnoxiously. That's what Penelope told me. Take a page out of Derek's book."

You both look at Derek, who's got his hands on his hips, posturing like he's in a procedural drama. Spencer shares in your laughter. It's like drinking the sweetest, richest cup of hot chocolate when Spencer looks at you like that.

"Do you do that?" you ask, smiling.

"Ah, apparently, I haven't quite nailed it. I'm the least approachable agent on the team, according to a DEA agent."

Your face falls. "I think you're approachable."

Spencer lifts his hands as if to say, what can you do? Maybe you should be the same. It's just so hard.

"I can't do anything right," you blurt, sobering up. "There's so many rules, Spencer. I just want to solve cases. Isn't that why we're here? That's why I went to the cop in the first place."

You feel babyish for complaining. You know what someone else would say: suck it up. But this job sometimes feels like you're on the field playing baseball, and everybody else is playing chess. No one else seems to struggle with the invisible rules of being an agent. No one except...

"Yeah, but to that officer, it's also an assertion of power," Spencer says. "He's the kind of person who only responds to perceived authority. He didn't perceive authority from you, even though you have it, because you wouldn't be here if you didn't. So, he thinks you should've cowed to him and flattered him with inane niceties to get the information that you deserve to know to begin with."

You blink. "Really? All that?"

Spencer nods. "I've known lots of people like him. Classic law enforcement personality. For the record, I think it's stupid. You're smart, and you're good at your job. You shouldn't have to make yourself smaller to get people to do what's expected of them."

"I wish I could do something quiet," you say morosely. "Do autopsies or something. Stay out of the way."

Being quiet is easier. You work in a place where some talking is necessary, but it's also not strange to think quietly for periods of time. And people can't get mad at you when you're quiet.

But then, you really love the BAU. You'd hate to be transferred. You'd hate to be away from Spencer Reid.

"I don't want you to be quiet. You're good at what you do here," he says. "Don't let an insecure person make you doubt yourself. Also, you're not inexperienced: you've solved thirty-three cases."

You grin. There's nothing quite like being seen.

"Tell me more about bullets and different wood types," you say.

Spencer's face lights up, and you suddenly feel more sure that this is exactly where you're meant to be.

[oddlysouls]

you never thought you'll found yourself sitting on a deserted corner in the back of the school with Suna, the 'ladies man' as you heard rumors about his personality, but when you move to Hyogo from Miyagi, you didn't mind his rumous for a little weed. smoke wafting above you while you both leaned against the wall. the only sounds were the distant chattering of students and the occasional clank of a bike passing by.

"soo, what do you have to sell?" you say while watching him take another drag before responding.

"depends on what you need. Weed, pills, anything specific?" you ponder for a little then asks him curiosly "What strains do you have?" he paused for a moment counting the strains he knew in his head. "I got OG kush, northern lights, pineapple express, and some others" he glanced at you, gauging your reaction "got a preffered one?"

you think for a little then say "yeah, OG kush, how much?" Suna took a last huff on his cigarette, then leaned back against the wall "¥795,13 for 1g"

"okay" you say taking your wallet from your bag, Suna accepted the money, tucking it into his pocket. "alright, i got yours" he said while reaching into his backpack that was sitting by his feet before taking out a bag of weed, then handed it to you.

"thanks man, appreciate it" suna smirked a little more relaxed than his usual stoic expression. "no problem, you need anything else, you know who to call"

"give me your phone number tho" you said while extending him your phone. he throws his cigarette away before grabing it, plugging in his number before giving it back to you with a small smile, a sudden change from his usual expression. "don't abuse it"

you teasingly look at him "i'm going to blow up your phone with messages" Suna chuckled and rolled his eyes, clearly unbothered by your threat "sure you will, just remember, i charge per text"

"man, that's a shame, i better find me a new plug then" you say jokingly "and who's gonna give you this good stuff huh?" he said with a smirk, gesturing to the small bag you hold in your hand.

"i can always go back to Miyagi and buy from my old plug" you said confidently remembering Tanaka, your 'old' plug back in Miyagi. Suna raised an eyebrow, slightly amused. "oh, so you think you have options? good luck finding someone as reliable as me in that little town of yours"

"oh, please, my old plug is very reliable for your information" you said amused at his confidence. Suna chuckled and shook his head, amused by your sass. "sure, but can they guarantee the same quality and variety? i doubt it"

you trust Tanaka so is only reasonable you said "bet he is better than you" Suna smirked, clearly enjoying this banter "you're really confident for someone i just met. how about a challenge then? name your old plug and let's see who's actually better"

"tanaka" you simply reply making Suna pause for a moment, caught off guard "Tanaka? you mean Ryu Tanaka?" your curiosity picked at his question "yeah, you know him?"

suna nodded, a mixture of surprise and curiosity in his eyes. "yeah, i've heard about him, very impressive guy, but don't undestimate me just because you had a good thing going back in Miyagi"

"yeah, i mean i haven't even tried yours" you said giving him a chance. "exactly my point, you can't just assume i'm not as good as Tanaka" Suna said leaning back against the wall, a hint of a challenge in his tone. "you should at least give me a chance, don't you think?"

you look at him for a moment, then start to reach into your bag to get your grinder and flavored papers as well a filter. "you don't mind if i smoke here?" Suna shook his head, leaning back against the wall "nah, go ahead, we're in a secluded spot anyway, nobody's gonna notice" at his words you start preparing yourself a nice joint with his weed.

suna watched intently how you prepare the joint with an amused smirk. "i haven't seen someone roll one in a while. you're good at it" you only look at him as you light up the joint, suna's gaze lingered on you as you lit it up, his expression still somewhat aloof but clearly amused by you. "you're gonna enjoy that" he said, nodding towards the joint clearly confident on his weed.

you feel the smoke in your lungs before exhaling it in his direction. "I know" Suna's smirk widened as the smoke curled towards him, he raised an eyebrow, a slight playfulness in his tone, "Trying to get me high too, huh?"

with a playfully nod you respond "maybe, want to take a hit?" while offering the joint. Suna chuckled and took the joint with a smirk, his fingers brushing against yours for a brief moment "sure, why not" he said, bringing the joint to his lips and inhaling deeply.

as you watched Suna take a hit, you couldn't help but notice the subtle details about him. his sharp jawline, narrow eyes and thin eyebrows, the way his fingers held the joint ever so casually. there was an air of mystery and confidence about him, making you perhaps curious to know more.

you take the joint back from Suna, as he watches you closely, taking in your every move. he notices the way you inhale, the subtle flick of your tongue as you exhale, there's a sense of intrigue in his eyes as he observes you.

he leans back against the wall again, his gaze fixed on you. "so, how you feel?" his tone is still nonchalant, but there's a subtle interest in his eyes, as if he was curious to see the effects starting to take hold on you.

"i'm fine, how about you?" you ask him while relaxing a little on the wall. Suna mantains his cool demeanor, shrugging nonchalanty "same as usual, i guess, maybe a little more chill" he studies you, his gaze flickering down your body for a moment before returning to your face, the faintest hint of curiosity behind his stoned expression.

you noticed his gaze at your body and slightly amused at his actions call him out "dude, are you checking me out?"

[ot3]

since u mentioned star vs the forces of evil recently, can i ask ur thoughts on the show? favorite aspects, least favorite aspects, etc? i enjoyed the show a lot and agree that it was doing a lot of really cool and interesting stuff but the ending was kind of a let-down, though i struggle to articulate how i would have preferred it to have gone. curious to hear what u think.

i wish i could answer this one in depth for you because I feel like this show absolutely deserves careful consideration about its pros and cons, but it's been wayyyy too long since I've watched it to remember even most of the larger plot beats, let alone the smaller stuff that can really make or break a show like this. i really would like to revisit this one some time in the near future and develop a more refined opinion of it.

in a lot of ways svtfoe's biggest strength doubles as its biggest weakness; it's willingness to completely pivot what kind of show it's trying to be let it wear a lot of hats and run the full gamut of childrens cartoon plotlines without ever feeling stale. On the other hand, it had a real identity crisis and i don't know if it ever truly knew what side its bread was buttered on.

I don't think it executed anything it was trying to do particularly cleanly, but I do think it was willing to try a lot of fun stuff. i think it took guts to have your show start out 'hey guys im a wacky magical princess from another dimension!' and by the end have that same character come to the conclusion that she needs to surrender her birthright and abolish the monarchy.

in addition i think a lot of western cartoons LOVE the idea of a 'weird girl' character but it's easier said than done. my peak example for this is Luz from the owl house, who the narrative desperately tries to frame as strange and quirky but really does not ever act in a way that sells that. on the other hand i do think star is kind of a genuine freak teen which is fun. the show DEFINITELY is bogged down in the dregs of randomcore that post-aughts animated media can't seem to shake, but i think once the show started to take its own setting more seriously this evened out and it was able to evolve beyond its surface-level quirkiness.

[lurkingshan]

Hi Shan

I've been watching your commentary on Peaceful Property with regard to its mishandling of its class conflict themes and I have to admit that I'm coming to agree with you on it.

I had to basically go "Welp, I can't see how they get out of the mess they've made now - I guess I just have to give them a pass on the grounds of found family?" in order to keep enjoying the show, which did let me do that but also left a bit of an icky taste in my mouth.

So I guess I wanted to ask - do you think there's a way they could have handled the wealth disparity and classism issues more gracefully within the show's narrative? And also whether there are any QLs you would recommend that do handle the topic to your satisfaction? I could use something good to watch!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I feel like you always make me consider topics more deeply and reflectively, even when I don't agree with you.

Hi, thanks for dropping in! I feel you on this, and I want to be clear that my criticism of the show is not criticism of people who still like it despite these failures. If you have still been able to connect to the friendship and family themes without this getting in the way, that's great and I'm glad for you. Just because the show is doing one thing very poorly doesn't mean there's nothing of value in it.

That said, you're right, they've passed the point of no return on their missteps with the class disparity themes. Early on in the show, after several episodes in a row of ghost stories involving poor or working class folks harmed by Home's wealthy real estate developer family on top of the class disparity between Home and Peach/Pang, I said I was confident that the show had something to say about this issue. And that was true! Unfortunately, what it had to say was garbage.

To your first question, I actually think it would have been very easy for the show to handle the wealth disparity and classism issues more gracefully, and that's a big part of my frustration. They had all the ingredients--a family history of exploitation, a ghost busting team including working class folks to shed light on the family's sins, and an ignorant grandson uncovering wrongdoing case by case and learning that there was always a price for his privilege. All the show needed to do was allow Home to come to some natural realizations about his family's treatment of others, via both the ghost case work and his relationship with Peach and Pang, and then use the power and resources he has to take accountability in the form of restitution and reparations to the people and communities they harmed. My ideal story line based on what they set up in the first half of the show would have had Home setting out to right his family's wrongs and take real steps to restore the communities they harmed. Even if a full on wealth redistribution narrative was too much to hope for, at the very least Home should have been made to reckon with what his family did and set out to do better in the future, both by Peach and Pang and by his family's countless victims (including Kan).

But that's not what we got. Instead, the narrative tried to sell us on the idea that none of this is anyone's fault, and that any harm that came to people at this family's hands was the result of a "curse" or one bad apple's wrongdoing. Instead of saying anything meaningful about systemic inequality and the responsibility of the wealthy and powerful to avoid extractive and exploitative practices, they painted Home's Gramps and family corporation as benevolent, concluding that they destroyed a bunch of people's lives by accident and without intent or even knowledge. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how utterly absurd and insulting that is. On top of all that, despite Home being the one with the most power in this little friend family and making some very serious mistakes that caused harm to the others, the show consistently centered him and his feelings in all conflicts, including Peach's near death and the death of Kan's father and destruction of her community. It also ignored the very real stakes it set up for Peach and Pang's dire financial situation whenever the plot demanded. The second half of the show became all about the poor people Home and his family have harmed forgiving him without any accountability because they felt guilty he was sad, and then those same people spending their time and energy fighting to save this rich family's reputation and livelihood. That's not me offering an interpretation, that is what literally happened on our screens!

So yeah, it was bad! It was clear weeks ago that it was not going in the right direction, but I understand holding out hope that they'd pull a rabbit out of a hat or look into the camera and say sike. But that ship has sailed at this point, and Peaceful Property becomes another in a pattern of GMMTV shows that try to incorporate class disparity in their narratives and get it very very wrong.

Which brings me to your second question: are there any QLs I recommend that do this better? Yes! Here is a short list for other Thai shows that have genuinely done this better:

Moonlight Chicken: not a class disparity narrative, but the only GMMTV show to date that has depicted working class people with full dignity and empathy

Dark Blue Kiss: the only GMMTV bl to tell a romance story that involves class conflict and not completely bungle it (snaps to TayNew for having another show that did better on this)

My Ride: a slow burn romance between a doctor and a motorcycle taxi driver that gets the way their class disparity would shape their relationship right

Love Sea: this one isn't perfect (I think the working class character in the pair gets too little narrative attention relative to his rich counterpart) but it does take the class disparity seriously and ensures it informs the relationship the whole way through

Laws of Attraction: don't laugh at me, I'm serious! This show is mostly absurd but the core narrative is all about class conflict, and it informs the romance quite thoroughly, too

The Loyal Pin: including this one on the word of @twig-tea because I haven't watched yet, but I understand it's dealing with class very directly in its core relationship (with the disclaimer that it still has two episodes to go so something could go sideways)

I'd also throw in some shows that aren't really about class disparity but do include it as part of the narrative background to inform characterization and plot like I Told Sunset About You, Love By Chance, Khun Chai, and 3 Will Be Free

Outside of Thailand, South Korea is always a safe bet for strong class disparity narratives, and in QL you'll find the best examples in Hwang Da Seul's works (Where Your Eyes Linger, Blueming, To My Star 2, and currently Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo). Japan and Taiwan actually don't do much of this, because most of their shows are about middle class and working people as a rule. Miseinen, a Japanese BL that just started airing, looks to be tackling a class disparity narrative, though, and doing it well so far (not a coincidence that the source material is from Korea). And We Best Love is a classic Taiwanese BL with a significant class disparity informing the romance conflict. Blue Canvas of Youthful Days is a currently airing Chinese BL that is doing a class disparity romance and has been killing it so far.

So there is my incredibly long answer to your questions! Thank you again for sending me this kind note; I'm so appreciative that we can chat about this stuff and still maintain our love for these shows. I hope you find some things you like on the rec list, as well. :)

[bomberqueen17]

smorkles

So anyway. I don't remember when I last posted about anything and I'm not going to go look it up.

I don't start back at the farm until May 13th. My cabin has no electricity currently but there is apparently a trench being dug, and it will contain both a real electrical line (not a duct-taped extension cord!) and a water line??? of some kind??? with actual potable water??? sounds fake but ok.

but I am going to, not quite the farm, this week, leaving tomorrow. And i am going to stay with my middle-little sister. Because her housemate moved out, and her house needs some renovations, and now she's thinking she needs to sell that house and downsize to a smaller one, and that's all fine but like the main thing she needs to do is to get rid of like 3/4 of the objects she owns, and i say this from a place of I also have to get rid of like 3/4 of the objects I own and I dont' know how to do it or how to make her do it either and hate the entire concept of the process. But hey. There it is.

I am bringing her a kitchen table and a whole-ass tree that was rescued from dude's work office but is too tall for our ceilings. she has higher ceilings. we'll see how this goes.

i feel like i should be sort of retrospecting on what i did this off-season. right? like my life is in two annual chunks: farm work season, and not farm work season. Farm work season is usually April-ish through the beginning of December. And then since the beginning of December I've been doing Not Farm Work and I have no idea if I've achieved any of those goals. Did I set goals? IDK.

I did want to get my ADHD shit sorted out. So I started seeing a therapist. And she's admitted she's like, for short-term stuff, and needs to get me passed along to more of a specialist type person maybe. IDK. I've been told to form habits, told to buy a notebook to turn my life around with, and in other doses been fed things that i have largely seen before because i have been living like this for like, 40 years.

anyway. and also i tried all the basic meds, everything's "here try this and see what it does" dosages have given me negative side effects and no good effects, so if I want to continue trying to medicate myself I need to actually have a psychiatrist who I can ask questions of and get a response faster than two weeks. (That's how long it took to hear back on whether I could stop taking atomoxetine when it started giving me really bad anhedonia. Thankfully i had already figured that out on my own twelve days before, because i could not have lived like that for those twelve additional days, it was really bad. also he was like "and discontinue wellbutrin" my friend i discontinued wellbutrin in 2014 so i'm not sure who this was addressed to.)

but. yesterday's conversation, the therapist was going on about different things-- I had been given a rundown by a friend about the different types of behavioral therapy that existed, and how some of those might be more useful in trying to make concrete improvements in one's life, and my person was like "the thing is most of those are just fancy names for stuff you've largely already encountered so there is not going to be a magic technique that fixes you" and it's like

the thing is when have i ever said "find magic technique/drug that fixes me" is a therapy goal? That's not my goal. My goal is explicitly "figure out better coping mechanisms than what I have because brute-forcing normality for as long as I can and then feeling real shitty when I can't anymore isn't very sustainable", and no, I don't think that ACT or DBT is going to magically fix me, but if I can find more tools through a coordinated approach, wouldn't that be good?

What i can say is that so far using a lot of CBT-lite language and making lists has actually given me a borderline-pathological avoidance of my Special Notebook, in which i can no longer write but i do still carry it everywhere like a talisman (it's very useful. not), so I'm writing essays on discarded envelopes because I can't even use The Good Scrap Paper for this, when I tell you I've scarred myself trying to figure out how to make a fucking to-do list I'm not exaggerating.

So I have an essay written on an envelope from which i'm trying to extract, like, a thematic through-line to guide me in what to do next, and then a bunch of witterings in a discord convo, and I wrote a list of things I want to bring, and I did go move some furniture just now so I can get that table out of my house at some point.

Anyway, though, mid-conversation, the therapist was like, "have you ever heard of smorkles?" and i was like "i'm -- what? smorkles?" and she was excited and was like "oh this one will be so good for you!" and i was like "Sporkles? Smorkles? I'm not sure i"m hearing you, can you spell that" and she proceeded to spell out the word "smart" which

yes I do know about SMART goals actually, they are a management technique from the 80s that my dude uses extensively in his job as a staff engineer (which is like management but not quite) in his very corporate job at a very large software company, and he had laid out the criteria for me very earnestly once on a walk. so i do in fact know about them but not how to really apply that to my own life, and would need to figure out how to break that down, and i need a lot more steps than 'find a pen' and 'buy The Notebook That's Gonna Turn Your Life Around' to make that work.

but anyway.

i've decided now that smorkles are my new technique. and yes also smart goals but I think I'm going to call it "smorkles" because then I can make memes about my commitment to smorkle motion etc.

i need to figure out what SMORKLE is an anagram for. er, not anagram. the other thing.

[joshsilverseyebrow]

peter steele for KERRANG! Magazine (1999),

(VIA BiggestBaddestWolve ON REDDIT)

(OP has said it suffered some water damage, so i’m transcribing what i can read from the first full sentence i can make out. but i hope you still enjoy!)

THE DYING GAME

“I’m waiting for the strength to kill myself…” PETER STEELE

But, consistent with recent interviews in which he’s disparaged the album as a “waste of money,” he’s about as interested in playing his record company's hard sell games as the Pope is in the contents of Pamela Anderson's bikini. He admits that he's only here at all because “I promised the other guys (guitarist Kenny Hickey, keyboardist Josh Silver and drummer Johnny Kelly) that I'd do my job.”

Steele's apathy is all the more surprising given that “World Coming Down” is his band's most complete, cohesive and fully-realized work to date. It's also arguably the New York quartet's bleakest recording: an album which resonates with world-weary cynicism and self-loathing and sees Steele cheerlessly embracing self-destructive urges and yearning for descent into oblivion.

Given his huge appetite for sarcasm and deadpan piss-taking, the album's none-more-black atmosphere verges on goth-metal parody - but today it's disturbingly evident that Steele's current dark mood isn't just an ironic affectation.

"I FEEL like a total ingrate," he sighs, slumping his massive frame into a leather-bound armchair as we retire to the hotel bar. "I have a great life, I have my health, my family and friend; I'm not the worst-looking person in the world, I've got a half-way decent band - and yet I'm not happy. I'm just waiting for the strength to kill myself."

From other rock stars, such whinging might seem like mere melodrama. But when Peter Steele admits to suicidal thoughts, his matter-of-fact musings are coloured by personal experience. On October 15, 1989, tanked up with alcohol and self-pity, the vocalist slashed both his wrists and crawled into the back seat of his car to die. “At that time it was because my girlfriend had left me and took 95 per cent of me with her. I thought I could not go on without her,” he sighs.

“Obviously I was wrong.

“The worst part was actually

coming home and hearing that my ex-girlfriend's mother had phoned my Mom and told her that i'd been hammering on her door with blood dripping from me. That was really embarrassing.”

At the risk of sounding unsympathetic, isn't slashing your wrists more of an attention-seeking act than a genuine suicide attempt?

"I wanted to shoot myself in the head," he shrugs, "but I couldn't get a gun - which is kinda ironic, considering you seem to be able to buy a gun on every corner in Brooklyn. Okay, it was probably not a wholehearted attempt last time - but next time it will be. Life is a game, and like cards sometimes you have to know when to stop playing. l'm not getting anything out of this any more.”

You must have fans writing to you telling you that Type O Negative's music has got them through difficult times - what do you think those fans are going to make of what you're saying today?

Steele shrugs, and drains his first glass of red wine.

“I’d advise anyone who's depressed to stop reading right now,” he smiles.

THE SHADOW of death hangs ominously over “World Coming Down,” Songs like “Everyone I Love Is Dead” and “Everything Dies” are rested in tragic personal experiences for Peter Steele.

The album was written in the aftermath of the death of his father on February 14, 1995, and recorded during a period when Steele lost an aunt and uncle and watched his mother battle againat serious illness for almost a year in a New York hospital.

"I expected her to die," Steele says quietly, "and unfortunately I still think she'll be next to go. One of the most traumatic things in life is loving someone and watching them die and knowing you can't help them. I just don't know how to handle watching people die. Maybe It's cowardice but I truly wish I'm next. I've tried everything in excess - Prozac, alcohol, cocaine and women - in an effort to deal with life. Nothing works for me.”

Steele says that his parents never discussed his own suicide attempt, but admits: "I think I hurt them a lot." The death of his father, has had a "profound effect" on the singer.

Is there anything you wish you'd asked your father before he died?

“I’d just like to have asked, Why didn't you spend more time with me?,” Steele says, sounding uncharacteristically vulnerable. “When I was a kid and he'd come home from work, it was like Superman coming to the house, but I always felt like I was some little happy dog that was always underfoot and he was always trying to kick me away.”

The youngest of six children - he has five elder sisters - Steele can trace his current feelings of worthlessness right back to his childhood.

“I used to feel that I was an unsuccessful abortion,” he sighs. "That I’d pulled myself out of the bottom of the bucket and lived. I remember when school would start, my father would say things like, ‘Now we have to buy him clothes’, and I’d just wish I could unzip my skin, crawl out and slime myself under the bed and die. I felt like such a piece of shit.

“My mother still doesn't have a good word for my father,” he reveals.

“I don't think she ever forgave him for inflicting kids upon her. I'd love to say to her, 'Mom, if he was such a prick, why did you stay?’ He didn't seem a bad guy to me. I think he was just tired by the time I was born. My mother had me when she was 39 and my father was about 41.”

No offence intended, but as the youngest of six kids, did you consider the possibility that your conception might have been a mistake?

“Put it this way, there was an average of three years between my sisters, but there was eight years between me and my nearest sister,” Steele replies without flinching. “I know I'm just the result of a biological urge at four in the morning when the pharmacy was closed."

DEATH FIRST impinged upon Peter Steele's consciousness at the age of seven, when his grandfather passed away (“I didn't really understand what was going on but I saw my mother was crying, and thought that it was probably my fault,” he notes). Born of Russian and Icelandic parentage, Steele grew up in the middle of two theo-fascistic ideologies - Catholicism on one side and the Orthodox church on other”, and although he recalls praying after the deaths of his grandfather and uncle, he rejects the Christian notion of life after death.

“If Hell does exist, then I'm certainly going there,” he smiles. “I actually think it's cruel that someone who suffered their whole life is just going to go to the grave and share the same fate as people like Hitler or Stalin, who deserve to go to Hell, But no one said life is fair.”

Do you believe you have a soul?

“No, I'm just a very inefficient meat machine lubricated with mucus and semen,” he answers.

And you don't fear dying?

“I don't fear death, but i fear dying.” Steele confesses. “The thought of being in a car accident or being burned and lying in a hospital suffering is horrible. I don't like pain - If I found out I had cancer, l'd probably rob a bunch of banks and hope I'd get shot by the police.”

So when you shuffle off this mortal coil, how would you like to go?

“I've been thinking of the cleanest way to kill myself recently,” he admits.

“Everyone talks about poisoning themselves - but you vomit and shit everywhere, which is not cool. A shot in the head would be ideal, but I'd feel sorry for the person who had to clean my f**king brains up.

“I’ve got a tidier solution, actually," he smiles. "I want to attach a water pipe to the wall of my house and then take one of my weightlifting bars, sharpen the end like a spear and place it into the top of the pipe about 40 feet off the ground, with a rope attached. Then I'd lie under the other end of the pipe, point it at my temple and let go of the rope. Gravity would take its course and it wouldn't be too messy. That would be a neat end to all this misery.”

You don't go along with the view that suicide is the coward's way out?

“No, anyone who kills him or herself automatically gains my respect,” Steele shrugs, betraying not a flicker of a smile. “No one knows what lies beyond, and it's a trip from which there is no return. You have to admire anyone who'll willingly step into the unknown.”

You don't think it's a selfish act?

“It is, but I don't think if I killed myself 'd be affecting anyone detrimentally.” he considers. “If I had a wife and child I might think differently.

“I'm starting to think that children are maybe what I need, actually,” he continues. “Maybe bringing new life into the world is a way of replacing the void you feel when you lose someone. At the moment, though, I don't think that I could be so cruel to a woman as to implant her with my demon seed.”

SUCH COMMENTS are a reminder that even when discussing grave matters, Peter Steele's bone-dry sense of humour is never far from the surface. The singer concedes that “sarcasm has always been part of my insecurity” and admits: “It's a strange thing that when I'm lying people believe me, and when I'm telling the truth they don't.” But he insists that he's deadly serious about initiating his own exit from this life.

“I know someday I'll do it, I just don't know when,” he smiles. “When I feel l've become more of a burden than a help to those around me, It'll be time to take that swan-dive from the World Trade Centre. But one of the things that gives me a slight glimmer of happiness is irritating people, so l continue to live just to annoy them.

“But nothing gives me pleasure ary more,” he sighs, gulping down the dregs of his second glass of wine. “I’ve become really nihilistic and I just wonder who's going to be next to die. And I pray to God - if She's listening - that it's me.”

TYPE O Negative's ‘World Coming Down' album is out now.

[fuck-customers]

🚐🚐🚐🚐🚐🚐

24/10

I worked a seasonal position as a receptionist, and my boss offered me a temporary position helping out in another department for a month once my contract was up. I accepted on the basis that it was 30 hours a week max and all I'd be doing was admin tasks, no speaking with clients. Which after a season full of holidaymakers I was desperate for.

The week I'm supposed to start I receive no communication from who I was told was my new boss until the day before I'm supposed to go in for a little bit of training, and she's put out when I reiterate that that week there's two days I can't do due to previous commitments I made while I thought I'd be unemployed. And when I get to work on the training day, the person who actually will be my boss doesn't ever work that day, so my poor previous boss had to scramble to find something for me to do, since no one could train me nor could I get on the company system properly as my new boss hadn't sorted my contract.

I'm annoyed but hey, things happen. It's the first week, so there's bound to be hiccups, right?

I get to work the next week and my new boss starts to train me with the system I'll be using, only to be pulled away because we have an auditor in and of course that's more important. I don't mind that at all, but don't have me come in to work if you know you don't have time to train me. The same thing happens the following day and there's another new hire from a different department in the same position as me, so we end up doing hardly anything all day and feeling like spare parts. By this point I'm fairly pissed off that the three shifts I've done have been pointless, but I'll persist.

I do two more shifts this week, both of which are actually me being trained and working, and it's becoming very apparent that I will actually have to speak with clients for this role; it's not just helping the department catch up with paperwork. I'm very much feeling lied to, messed about, and like I'm not the right fit for the job, so I take the weekend to think about it, and message my new boss on Sunday morning to tell her that I'm grateful for the chance but I won't be coming back in. I was very polite in my message, I didn't mention my frustration with the disorganisation in the department, the fact that everyone looks down on you for actually taking your lunch break rather than just working at your desk while you eat, or that, morally, I cannot be involved in helping sell holiday homes to people on a site that's severely rat infested and crumbling, but the general manager refuses to spend any money to revamp the place.

I was very final with my message, which I think was obvious by the fact that I wished my new boss the best of luck and a good holiday season, so I figured that would be that. I'll admit my anxiety has me refusing to check whatsapp so I can't see what she's said, because a) I'm not ready for that and b) to me, it's done and dusted.

She's tried to call me five times in the last 20 minutes. I don't know what the hell she wants, but I'm not answering. My best guess would be she wants me to work my notice, but there's absolutely no point. I'm still not trained properly to do this new job, so at least some of my one weeks notice would be me being trained for a job I'm leaving. Normally I'd never quit without giving and working my notice, but in this instance it's pointless.

I'm not going to answer her calls or call her back. I don't care. Honestly, working on reception was bad enough; it's very clear that the company as a whole values profit over guests' happiness and safety. It's one thing to sell someone a holiday on our shit hole of a site, but it's another thing entirely to be a part of them becoming an owner of a run-down holiday home. At least with guests, I can give them vouchers or money off a future holiday or at a push a refund. With this new job, I can't do anything but apologise for the shitty situation I've helped put the new owners in. I wish I was brave enough to say that to my now ex-boss.

Posted by admin Rodney

[zombiec4ke]

hello, this is my first time requesting something ever but could you do a wheatley x gn reader? like maybe where the reader finds him a dumpster after the stuff that happens in portal? maybe just some fluff and wheatley being a needy boi

A/N: OMG MY FIRST REQUEST YIPPEE :D Warnings: nothing besides some swears, toothroting fluff, and wheatley being a drama king

Since the day you stumbled upon Wheatley in that dumpster and, for sheer lack of anything better to do, deciding to give him a better chance at life (you repaired him) life with him has become....rather...strange? Wheatley never shuts up and it often irritates you since you're the quiet type. But even then Wheatley really likes you despite everything, and your presence is everything to him. The adorable little robot does everything to get your attention and that's honestly cute. but not how he sometimes tries to get your attention ...like this time.... "Hey, hey! y/n," Wheatley's sphere body rolls until it reaches your feet "Hey, Mate look at me, look at me, look at meeee!" Wheatley says while slamming his spherical body against your leg...'thats definitely going to leave a bruise....' you say to yourself you sigh deeply putting down your sandwich you were making and you look down to see what wheatley wants to show you this time "Oh, thank splendid! You're finally paying attention to me." Wheatley says his single blue eye 'winks'. "Look, I've been working on this, a little project of mine. It's the greatest thing since sliced bread, or maybe even better." Wheatley says his body rolling back, revealing a small pile of what appears to be Lego blocks, hastily assembled into a crude, almost…wall? like shape. "what…is it if I may ask…?" you ask with an eyebrow raise wondering how did he even make it in the first place…he's just a..sphere…? "Well, it's a… a… divider, of course! You see, it's a way to separate your space from mine. I' know you've been saying you want some privacy, so I thought, 'Why not?'" Wheatley says doing a little spin "It's brilliant, right? I mean, look at the mastery, the workmanship, the sheer genius behind this. It's a stroke of brilliance, isn't it?" The little robot gestures with his eye, trying to sell the idea, even though it's a bit of an eyesore. The Lego creation is hardly a thing of beauty, but it's the thought that counts, right? And, well, y/n, you have to admit, it's something. He's trying to make your home a better place for both of you, in his own, clumsy way. "I'm more impressed how you managed to build this without hands" you say slightly chuckling "Oh, that's easy, mate. I just roll over the pieces, you know, one by one. It's simple. And then I just… push them together with my sphere-ness. It's all about force and momentum. I'm quite the multitasker, if I do say so myself." Wheatley's eye sparkles with pride, as if he's just solved the world's energy crisis with his little Lego creation. The truth is, he's just happy that he made something, and even happier that you're looking at it. "So, what do you think? Do I get a pat on the back, or am I just a moron who can't even build a wall properly?" He tilts enthusiastically It's obvious he's trying to impress you, and even if it's a bit misguided, you can't help but smile at his efforts. you smile and pick up wheatley and give him a boop on his not-a-nose-noseish-area (idk what to call it lmao-) "you did good buddy, I love it" as you give him a boop wheatley sputters before getting the human equivalent to an adrenaline boost and he speeds around your legs going in circles "Splendid!! I knew you would love it!!" you cant help but smile at this and you pick up your sandwich "Thanks again Wheatley, Ima finish making a sandwich and you can continue working on your divider" ""Enjoy your sandwich, y/n! I'll keep working on this masterpiece. I'll make sure it's up to your standards." And with that, Wheatley returns to his Lego creation, rolling back and forth, adding more blocks to his wall. and you while you make your sandwich you can't help but let your mind wander that this whole thing kinda weird…I mean come on…your only friend being a robot you found in the dumpster…you mom always said you would end up a lonely outcast…but you never thought you would be this lonely…

But then again you gives a fuck in this society, you yourself is happy so go fuck whoever tells you otherwise. all you need in life is your sphere robot buddy even though sometimes hes an idiot and set your house on fire one time.... *cough* but that's another story....

A/N: I really hope you like it!! I did my best, dont be shy to send in more requests :D

[cupcakewebkinz]

Some Shelly head canons because I've been playing as her all morning with my sister and I think she's neat as fuck (I love this fossil sm-)

Includes some fluffy handler moments yes indeed. :]

I believe wholeheartedly that Shelly bites- but she isn't a vicious biter, she very carefully and gently nibbles. She's left scars all over Shanon's hands from her nibbling, but Shanon doesn't mind, it doesn't hurt much anymore. Shelly can't control her sharp teeth either...

I like to imagine Shelly to be like a Chihuahua, shivering when she's comfortable and when she's cold. Shanon knows the difference, though it tends to worry Vee since she's still learning how to tell if Shelly is sick and cold or just really comfortable.

Shelly, while liking dinosaurs, has an interest in technology thanks to Vee. She has been taking lessons on fixing Vee behind her back, and Veronica is more than willing to teach her everything she knows to help her with her goal of becoming Vee's main repairwoman

Shelly most definitely has a soft but stern mom voice, and she knows how to use it. She'll make any toon listen to her scolding, even if they don't realize they're there when she starts. She's not usually the one to do it though, unless it's someone she's close to. Vee especially gets this treatment, but that's because she just wants her to be safe, and Vee honestly respects that a lot.

I'd imagine Shelly would have a very pleasant singing voice as well, and would pair well with Vee's, she's just not used to having an audience so she gets really shy when she sings. Vee's addicted to her singing though.

Shelly absolutely would sell sea shells on the sea shore. Just fossilized seashells. Especially if she gets to tell you the history of that fossil before you buy it.

Shelly could honestly care less how often Vee tells her she loves her, she just knows she does by the way she looks and interacts with her, but she never tells Vee that just so she can keep hearing her favorite tv loudly announce that she loves her at any random moment Vee wants to. She genuinely finds it really cute that Vee loves to tell her she loves her so often, and is always happy to say it right back just to see that look in her eyes. She's obsessed with that silly robot who would've guessed-

I feel like Shelly would be a tiny fossil clone of Shanon, I feel like she'd copy a lot of Shanon's behaviors and act like she was her genuine biological child since she wouldn't interact with other people often. The running gag of "handlers being parental figures" is very real here... Shanon is her mom, she will absolutely call her mom, she is her mother and you're not convincing her otherwise.

Shelly absolutely sews up anything anyone gives her to fix - no questions asked. She loves sowing, and she loves sowing plushies just to give them to Vee. She's blissfully unaware that Vee is running out of room for them, because Vee never tells her... Until she opens her closet one day and a bunch of dinosaur stuffies fall out. Vee's favorite is the first one Shelly ever made for her, which is a plush stegosaurus. Only Shelly can touch that one, the rest the handlers can also touch if Vee's watching. Vee takes Shelly's gifts way too seriously...

Shelly has a great bond with the other mains, thanks to Vee. Her second favorite is Astro, mostly because he gives her dreams about riding dinosaurs with Vee. She always dreams about dinosaurs and Vee. Sometimes Shanon's there too.

Shelly loves any fun shaped food, and tends to only eat anything that looks fun to eat, such as dinosaur nuggets and smiley fries. It's purely because they're simple and she knows exactly what it is, she's terrified of new foods and it's one of the few things Vee can't help her with. Unfortunately. She's not picky though, she just has anxiety when it comes to new foods, she tends to love everything she tries.

Shelly would only kill someone for one of four things - stealing a fossil, hurting her family/friends/partner, taking away her dino nuggets and threatening her herself. One shall not take her prized comfort food...

Shelly absolutely is built like a lumberjack, she looks like a chubby, squishable friend but is actually terrifyingly strong. THANKFULLY she knows her strength and never has accidentally killed anyone with a hug, even though she absolutely could. People fear her hugs regardless.

Random note but I feel like her voice would get all high pitched and squeaky when she's either really happy or really mad and I find that adorable, and I'm the same way. I love this autistic fossil...

[begrudging-fudanshi]

I'm not sure where I saw it but there are a few references to classes and teachers (like in the character book where they have subjects they're best and worst at, in a few chapters where they reference "class/es", and in an interview with satoru nii, I think, though I can't find it) – the Reddit pinned post for the manga is ood for the interview where they talked about it. In the interview, it sounded like they said it was just a pragmatic thing; the story follows the action, so there's not really any need to flesh out the school side of Furin, but that could have just been a deliberate obfuscation. I hadn't really thought about it (generally, I don't care to, because that side of fandom can get really condescending and form echo chambers of "no one else is thinking about this right or as much as us") but I found your thoughts interesting to read and thought you might have wanted to know about the teacher thing, because even if teachers are there, they haven't been included in the main story at all, and don't seem to be trying to teach them anything beyond the academic curriculum.

Thanks! I had seen that, but I try to mainly base my analysis on what's in the text itself ("the author is dead" and all that). However, I appreciate the input and I actually do have some related thoughts on this.

By the way, if you or anyone else seeing this post can tell me any specific chapters where the Furin kids talk about school stuff, please share! I totally missed any mentions of that, so my views below are all based on the assumption that the kids never mention anything school related.

A few messy thoughts:

I accept that the Furin kids do go to class, but to your point, their teachers seem ineffectual at best (and, as I'll get to later, extremely trusting). I figure that anyone who'd teach at a delinquent school notorious for year-round fighting is probably not great at their job. Before Bofurin, I imagine the teachers had all given up any hope of teaching anything and just tried to survive. Ever since Umemiya took over, they've probably been so happy to finally have some peace that they just let him and the other kids do whatever they want.

While I try not to speculate too much about authorial intent, it often feels to me like Nii has challenged himself to take as many stock tropes as he can and to use them as effectively as possible (or maybe he's just a really good writer using a lot of stock tropes lol). For example, Sakura is a classic tsundere, but it's actually rationalized in a really compelling way by his characterization. Likewise, WBK also takes the trope of invisible teachers and actually fits it into the broader themes of the story (as previously discussed in the post you're referencing).

I kinda wonder if Nii was forced to show the protagonists going to high school in order to be published, and thus chose to do it in the most cursory way possible. It kinda feels like the story was meant to be told with a cast of young adults, but maybe Nii or the publisher felt like it'd sell better with teenage protagonists in a school setting. I also suspect it would be controversial (and understandably so) to publish a series aimed at teenagers where the teenage protagonists choose not to attend high school, so I've thought the whole invisible teachers approach could be a workaround for that.

That said, the absence of teachers (and any other responsible adults) just feels so conspicuous that it's hard to write it off as purely pragmatic. Plenty of series have seemingly nonexistent teachers, but they usually avoid showing kids in settings where teachers would appear. WBK could have easily done that (e.g. by giving Bofurin an HQ near the school where they spend all their time), but instead it practically goes out of its way to rub the school setting in your face. For that matter, Nii also could have chosen a different setting where kids wouldn't have to attend school at all, but he explicitly chose to set WBK in what is very clearly present-day Japan. I don't think it's worthwhile to speculate about what Nii "really meant" by this (or if he really meant anything at all), but from an analysis point of view, this is just too conspicuous for me to ignore.

A theme in WBK that I'd like to explore in-depth at some point is trust—namely, how WBK challenges us to imagine trusting these so-called delinquents who are rejected everywhere else and to imagine that they might make their world a better place of their own accord. The absence of visible teachers really highlights this trust. The kids have been given free reign of the school to do whatever they please but, despite adult authority figures being functionally nonexistent, they've still managed to turn it into a better place.

Lastly, while I have to admit I probably fall closer to that "no one else is thinking about this right or as much as us" side of fandom than not, let me just say: fuck anyone who's condescending about it. I personally enjoy deeper media analysis and am trying to cultivate more of it around WBK in my own way, but everyone is allowed to engage with media how they want. The angle I'm trying to take is more "Hey, here's this neat thing I noticed!" as opposed to "You're enjoying this wrong." and I hope that others will do the same.

[yuurivoice]

Hi!

I’ve been a silent viewer for a little bit & I'm trying to get caught up. 

While watching your housewarming stream (congrats on the new studio btw!), & seeing/hearing about some stuff from the upcoming projects you/the team have been working on, I thought of something.

From what I could tell, it sounded like there may be a definitive “main listener” character in EoE who plays a specific, significant role in the story.

So, if EoE is the world that everyone in BitterSweet, Shattered, Lost & Found, etc. originated from before they became dreamers, is the listener in EoE supposed to be an amalgamation of all the listener characters from all the other series? Like, was the listener from EoE “split” into the dreamers we now know as Boo, Rook, Casper, etc.? (Similar to how there are multiple “multiverse” variations of Finn.) 

Or, will EoE be another instance where there are multiple listener characters that can branch off alongside the other original characters you introduced? (Like, Thomas gets his own listener, Evalas Finn gets his own listener, etc.)

Am I completely off with my interpretation? I fear I may be getting a little too lost in the sauce, & that I'm looking for information/lore that might not even be true or relevant. 

Anyway, I’m so excited to see how all of this pieces together in the end. Keep up the incredible work!

A little lost in the sauce, but I like your gumption! Short answer, there will be multiple listeners for SOME characters. Thomas most certainly will get one, but I haven't uncovered who or why they are.

What's really different about Evalas Finn's listener is that they're not really his listener. They're a member of a group whose POV will span multiple characters and interactions and are not tied to Finn in such a way that they are constantly in his pocket. While that is a tried and true way to do ASMR Roleplay things, I wanted a silent protagonist. Someone whose motivations are their own, and not so closely aligned with the characters they share scenes with.

Finn has secluded himself and kept secrets. What I realized in the now redacted EoE entry was that creating a character who just cares about Finn, or even had some motivation but ultimately had to be with him to function wasn't going far enough. We're in a fantasy setting in a world where I could do anything, with a clean slate and tons of options. It felt silly to just play the hits when we could get really interesting.

There's a key shift behind that and I'll just put it plainly.

I don't really care about selling smut tied to Echoes of Evalas. I've given up trying to voice every cut of meat so I could moan for money. I've given up on every relationship between character and listener being perfect and occasionally horny. The machine will continue running if I can't peddle my smut, and that means...not everything has to be a perfect, sexy, agreeable situation. It can get messy.

With that freedom.......it's a whole new world of options.

Now, I say that, but there is definitely spice pretty early on buttttt...it kinda serves a narrative purpose. The intimacy isn't just something that happens and is otherwise unbothered with the plot. It leads to some things!

What I think I'll discover is that my box I put myself in before this freedom was one of my own making due to listening to a handful of voices I let get under my skin...including my own.

There is something unique about this listener, but it will be at least somewhat clear early on. At least you'll have enough to start sniffing in the right direction!

[imalayla]

I think the hardest part about Layla dying is that I "processed" the grief the best I could, ie, I talked about it a lot to people, I expressed myself, I looked at her pictures, I cried a lot. I tried to move at my own pace and didn't force anything. And now I'm "living life" as one would expect. I wake up, I clean the house, I take care of my dogs, I eat. I even go to dog sport events. I've visited friends and we've hosted some game nights at our house. I help people in my community, I donate, I do the calls, I help at dog events, I try.

But everything feels flat and empty. I can't even really say that I felt a lot of emotion when Stoli finished his field championship, something that, intellectually, I wanted very badly. I felt a brief flicker of happiness and relief when I saw he won that day. I feel some faint flickers when I see him race. I feel some flickers when I see Bubbles using her foot. But otherwise I don't feel much of anything. My house is a burden because all it does is remind me of how much I loved my 1 bedroom apartment with her. My dogs are reminders that she is gone. even my marriage seems hollow because I wouldn't have it if it wasn't for her. I don't know how to feel anymore. Life seems so empty and yawning and pointless. With the current state of politics, it's getting to be even worse. I wish we could sell the house and go to something smaller that isn't so loaded with her memory but also the idea of living somewhere she never was is terrifying.